I'll do better.

Evidently, I suck at this whole blogging thing.

Nursing school's going well, though. Really well. I'm halfway through the summer term already, and I have an A-average. But I'm exhausted. In high school, I never studied. In college, the first go-around, I never studied. Now, in nursing school, I study. I study my ass off. We're talkin' four- and five-hour study sessions, up 'til three in the morning, two-and-a-half-hour naps before class. I'm driven, I'm focused, and I'm determined to make it. I'm going to make it.

Oh. And Austin. We didn't work. I'll always believe that the problem had very little to do with the two of us, and everything to do with the five-hundred miles between us. Of course, this only makes it all the much harder to swallow. If I had a good enough reason to walk away, I could. If I had a reason, at all. But that's life, I guess. You get over it, and you keep breathing. Everything happens for a reason.

I've been stressed about money lately. Now that I'm doing the school thing full-time, I wasn't able to keep my job. So I've been flippin' out over just how I'm going to pay for school. And, well, you've heard that saying, Ask and you shall receive? And the stories of answered prayers, answered in the worst possible way? Consider me a prime freaking example. My ninety-year-old grandmother, one of the most important people in my life, is dying. And I learned today that she's willed to me a portion of her life savings, enough for this year and three more, enough to get me all the way through to a BSN, enough to complete my education. I should feel relieved. No more worry, right? Instead, I'm angry with myself, so ashamed at even considering it. Have you ever tried bargaining with a deity? "Dear God, no. Screw the money. Just don't take her away." Yeah, bargaining. At the least, it has to be a nice change from the everyday hurling of insults into the sky.

If my life were anything else, it would be the Mr. Freeze ride at Six Flags. Up, down, upside down, stop, then repeat... backwards. But I'm not so sure I like rollercoasters.