Crap.
I texted Him.
I went against my better judgement, and I texted him. I'd been doing so well---thinking of him day in and day out, yet not giving him the satisfaction (or dissastisfaction, perhaps?) of knowing it. Until tonight. When I texted him.
Me: Miss you. Hope you're doing well.
Him: :) Thanks. Miss you, too. We'll be there in a few weeks.
Me: Wow. Cool. Maybe we can hang out. :)
Him: Yep, that would be awesome.
He lives five hundred miles away, if I haven't already mentioned it. He plays bass in a band with roots near here, and though they moved those five hundred miles a few months back, they're still good at scheduling local shows fairly often. (Note: I knew the band before they moved, and I'm not one of those ridiculous groupies.) I haven't seen Him since we ended things, near the beginning of June.
To the untrained eye, this textual exchange might seem positive. We're talking. I miss him, he misses me. He alluded to a possible meeting, right? But then, you'd have to know Him. You'd have to know that he's that guy. He's a nice guy who says nice things to nice girls whose feelings he'd rather not hurt. You simply can't read too much into anything. But I do. And I will. For the next... who knows how long. These brief messages are enough to send me spiraling back into that same slump. Once again, I'll be crossing my fingers when my phone rings, wishing with all my might that it's his name that shows on the Caller ID.
But it won't be.
See, a few weeks after we broke up and I didn't hear from him, I texted him. (I told you I was a text whore. I am. And in certain situations, like this one, it's much less risky to send a text. Actually hearing rejection is something I'd rather not.) I told him that, though I'd never before cared to maintain friendship with an ex-boyfriend, I wanted to try with him. Considering he'd once told me that he always preferred to remain friends with exes, I figured he'd be all for the idea. And he was, or so he said. Except, any time we've talked since, it's been by my initiation.
And for a while now, I've tried to rationalize it. He mentioned once that it was hard seeing me, talking to me since the break-up. But isn't it that way with every break-up? How could he find a way to be friends with past exes, and not with me? Why am I any different? And after some time, I've wondered, has it been long enough that he's over the initial heartache and realized that he doesn't need me in his life, that he can do without, that he hadn't cared as much as he'd once thought, enough for a reason to now attempt a platonic relationship? Is he over me, in all respects? Has he moved on, hoping that I'll do the same? Should I?
This. Sucks.
And I now wish I hadn't texted him.
I texted Him.
I went against my better judgement, and I texted him. I'd been doing so well---thinking of him day in and day out, yet not giving him the satisfaction (or dissastisfaction, perhaps?) of knowing it. Until tonight. When I texted him.
Me: Miss you. Hope you're doing well.
Him: :) Thanks. Miss you, too. We'll be there in a few weeks.
Me: Wow. Cool. Maybe we can hang out. :)
Him: Yep, that would be awesome.
He lives five hundred miles away, if I haven't already mentioned it. He plays bass in a band with roots near here, and though they moved those five hundred miles a few months back, they're still good at scheduling local shows fairly often. (Note: I knew the band before they moved, and I'm not one of those ridiculous groupies.) I haven't seen Him since we ended things, near the beginning of June.
To the untrained eye, this textual exchange might seem positive. We're talking. I miss him, he misses me. He alluded to a possible meeting, right? But then, you'd have to know Him. You'd have to know that he's that guy. He's a nice guy who says nice things to nice girls whose feelings he'd rather not hurt. You simply can't read too much into anything. But I do. And I will. For the next... who knows how long. These brief messages are enough to send me spiraling back into that same slump. Once again, I'll be crossing my fingers when my phone rings, wishing with all my might that it's his name that shows on the Caller ID.
But it won't be.
See, a few weeks after we broke up and I didn't hear from him, I texted him. (I told you I was a text whore. I am. And in certain situations, like this one, it's much less risky to send a text. Actually hearing rejection is something I'd rather not.) I told him that, though I'd never before cared to maintain friendship with an ex-boyfriend, I wanted to try with him. Considering he'd once told me that he always preferred to remain friends with exes, I figured he'd be all for the idea. And he was, or so he said. Except, any time we've talked since, it's been by my initiation.
And for a while now, I've tried to rationalize it. He mentioned once that it was hard seeing me, talking to me since the break-up. But isn't it that way with every break-up? How could he find a way to be friends with past exes, and not with me? Why am I any different? And after some time, I've wondered, has it been long enough that he's over the initial heartache and realized that he doesn't need me in his life, that he can do without, that he hadn't cared as much as he'd once thought, enough for a reason to now attempt a platonic relationship? Is he over me, in all respects? Has he moved on, hoping that I'll do the same? Should I?
This. Sucks.
And I now wish I hadn't texted him.
2 comments:
I'm a text whore too.. I still occassionally text my ex, even though I'm perfectly happy with my current boyfriend, and said ex wants nothing to do with me. I just hate when people don't like me.
Texting makes these things to easy to do. If we actually had to call people, maybe we wouldn't get ourselves into these situations.
Too true.
:(
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