i wasn't made for emergencies.

Monday was my first ER clinical rotation.
Monday was one of the worst days of my life.

Just before noon, a call came in.
"A possible Code Blue."

Expecting excitement and not wanting to miss out,
I stayed.

This. Was a mistake.

I'd assumed that, as a student,
I was expected to stand aside and observe such an emergency, right?
Wrong.

"Time of death, 12:12."

An hour later, I must have looked like I felt.
A paramedic said to me, "This is your first Code? You'll never forget it."
And I'm afraid that I won't.
It's been three days, and the image is still there when I close my eyes.

music tells stories.

Here's one, beginning to end.

It's true - time heals,
but I haven't forgotten you.